creepypastafandomcom-20200222-history
User talk:LeafyIsCyberbully
EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:48, December 20, 2014 (UTC) Re: Your story was very short and lacked plot. It additionally had quality issues. I'm glad you are re-working it, but I would strongly suggest taking it to the writer's workshop before making a deletion appeal. Note: it is mandatory to make a deletion appeal. Uploading it without doing so will result in the story being deleted and a possible ban. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:20, December 21, 2014 (UTC) Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Where The Old Man Fell page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:38, December 21, 2014 (UTC) New section for what? EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:27, December 21, 2014 (UTC) Simply put this Story Title then your reason below and sign it with ~~~~. However, looking at the story you posted in the workshop I am STRONGLY recommending you hold off for feedback so you can re-write it because that version has a number of issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:35, December 21, 2014 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. He's not the Messiah! He's a very naughty boy! 09:56, February 1, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:32, January 31, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story It was a combination of the two. The story has issues and there are numerous punctuation, capitalization, and wording issues. These were some of the issues I came across while reading it. Take note that these aren't all the issues as they're quite a lot present in your story. Capitalization issues: Improperly capitalized words. "he sent a Long message explaining AIM,", "first name and Last (last)," "...Last, She (she) threatened", " do, What (what) I have done in a past life to deserve this!(?)", etc. Proper nouns missing capitalization/regular nouns improperly capitalized. "what i call them", "We're out of High School (high school)", etc. Punctuation: punctuation missing before dialogue/messages. "said(,) "thx and gtg"", "it said(,) "MESSAGE FROM ANONYMOUS"", etc. Apostrophes missing from contractions and possessive words. "the attacker said(,) "You can't and you wont (won't)", "I wont say her name.", "my friends(') names?", "my mothers drug addiction", etc.. Commas missing from sentences where a pause is implied in the structure. "So I did(,) almost hitting my head and I waited for something to go off. " Wording issues: Overly complex sentences that should be broken into two sentences. "A couple of years ago when I was in college, I was talking to a friend I made on COD WAW and Black Ops 1 on the PS3 and I told him that I won't be able to use my PS3 for about a week.", "When I went home, I had found my room was trashed when I went to check my PC (one of my more valuable possessions) there was a DVD and it said "MESSAGE FROM ANONYMOUS" it was very crudely written but I put it in my PC and the DVD name on my PC said "crime" I was skeptical but I didn't want to take it out.", "I heard a voice, but whoever it was using a voice changer (awkward wording) and it was a very deep voice (redundant) and was just on one picture he talked about my crimes and that he would trace me down, I didn't know what he was talking about and there was a video of AOL on a Win 7.", etc. Wording issues cont.: There is a lot of awkward wording and redundancy issues (seen above) Additionally the fragmented sentences really need to be revised. "To beginning and end." Story issues: Dialogue should be separated out to two speakers are not in the same paragraph. This is common in literature to prevent misattribution and improve story flow. " I came back to the IM and said "I'm so sorry, and I mean it and will cross my heart to God himself for you to forgive me." A fast but cold and acerbic response "You seem to be serious, had you referenced God. I turned away from religion when people like you are still alive."" The story feels fairly rushed and there isn't sufficient build-up to Anonymous' involvement. It feels like the events leading up to the confrontation are just glossed over. The ending also needs work as it's fairly lackluster. Give it more of an emotional impact than "He couldn't care what I had to say now." EmpyrealInvective (talk) 07:14, January 31, 2016 (UTC)